


Hunger

by LoveandScience



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveandScience/pseuds/LoveandScience
Summary: Optimus, starving, runs into Starscream, who has just fled from Megatron.
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Starscream
Comments: 30
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

Starscream let out a yelp as Megatron threw him against the wall. There was no escape, there had never been any escape during the thousands of beatings he’d endured. And still, he felt himself try to scramble away and beg for Megatron to stop. Megatron rarely stopped.

Starscream believed the only reason Megatron had ever stopped those few times was to give a sense of hope that if Starscream just begged enough, just placated him enough, that maybe there was a chance.

Knockout patched him up. He always did, although he didn’t offer any comfort with it. Maybe Knockout knew if he got too close to Starscream, he’d become a target, too. Everyone Starscream was close to became a target.

Topped off with energon and with his wings somewhat functional, Starscream jumped from the Nemesis and into the night. Maybe this time, he’d actually leave. If he could manage not to starve, that is.

* * *

Optimus felt a sinking deep in his spark at the empty mine. Another failed energon raid. What the Decepticons lacked in morality, they made up for in resources. The hollow of his tanks made itself known, and he narrowed his optics, punching out at the wall of the cave.

“Optimus?” Arcee asked, field full of concern.

The Prime shook his head, trying to pull his emotions back in. He couldn’t show them, or the team would lose hope. They couldn’t know the extent of his desperation, his hunger, his sense of failure. His own hopelessness.

“I am in acceptable parameters,” he reassured, trying to sound normal.

Arcee touched his arm. “You don’t have to pretend,” she said gently.

Optimus looked at her, part of him wanting to give in. But he sensed her hunger and her disappointment and pain. No, he couldn’t burden her more. “There is no need for concern, Arcee.” He drew himself up to his full height. “Return to base. Tell the others not to worry, either. I will comm when I am ready to bridge back.”

Without waiting for her response, he walked from the cave, walking until he could no longer feel her field and knew it was safe to let his emotions roll off him in waves, where they would harm no one.

* * *

Heavy steps sounded closer and closer, and Starscream went rigid with fear. Megatron had hunted him down already? Usually he had far longer than this before his master chased him, or before he felt too fearful of the consequences to stay away any longer.

Should he hide and make his field as small as possible, and hope he wouldn’t be found? Should he beg and try to make an excuse for why he was out here, maybe say he had been searching for more energon?

He had just decided on the latter when he saw the red and blue, and it was too late to run or fly, not that his pained circuits were even up for that. And then Optimus locked optics with him.

Starscream backed away, raising his hands and hoping Optimus wouldn’t see him as a threat, that he would just let him go. Optimus always was more merciful than Megatron. Starscream backed into a tree and froze.

Optimus’ battle mask slid quickly into place, and he took on a defensive stance, weapons up and ready. But Starscream felt the heavy sorrow from Optimus, his vents catching in surprise.

He had experienced others’ sorrow, that was a part of war and killing and loss. He didn’t know anyone who had shown at once thousands of years of grief, anger, sorrow, hopelessness… Starscream slid to the ground. It wasn’t like he had a chance of defending himself, anyway, even if Prime attacked and he tried fighting back. Besides, he was pretty sure Optimus wouldn’t attack a bot who wasn’t fighting back.

“I’m not here to fight,” he said, keeping his hands up.

“Then why are you here?” Optimus asked. He noticed the freshly welded patches on Starscream’s frame. “What happened to you?”

Starscream quirked a brow. “What, you don’t recognize a disciplinary beating when you see one? I’m sure you’ve done the same to your underlings.”

Optimus lowered his weapons, but stayed alert. He knew he couldn’t trust Starscream not to try something. “Are you saying Megatron did this?”

“Don’t act so surprised, or like you don’t do it yourself. That’s how you keep bots in line, and keep them from treachery.”

“I have never intentionally harmed my team,” Optimus said. He felt a jolt of pain from his empty tank and crouched to the ground. “I can’t say I didn’t suspect Megatron treated his army this way. I’ve tried to ignore what he may be doing.”

Starscream eyed the Prime, then lowered his arms. “Yes, well, you’ve got enough of your own problems to worry about,” he said, but he could feel the fresh wave of Optimus' regret and sorrow adding on, harmonizing with the rest of the Prime’s sadness. Huh. Starscream never imagined any bot would feel sad on his behalf ever again, least of all the leader of the Autobots.

“Are you afraid to leave him?” Optimus asked.

The seeker nodded. “He’ll always find me, and if I stay away too long I’ll just be hurt worse than if I go back sooner.”

A sense of understanding flowed from Optimus, surprising Starscream. Optimus sensed the surprise. “I understand, because I was, as well. For different reasons-- I feared hurting him, by leaving him. And I wondered if I made the right choice, after, because he has tried for millennia to make me regret that choice.”

“Well, I don’t know if I could handle the consequences the way a Prime could,” Starscream dismissed the idea, even though a part of him wanted that still.

“I would help you, Starscream, if you were truly ready.”

Shock stunned him for a moment at the offer. He couldn’t mean that. But this was Optimus, he wasn’t known for being a liar. “Why?”

Optimus lifted his optics to look at the seeker. “Because freedom is your right. Because you deserve a chance to be the bot you want to be.”

Starscream snorted, trying to brush off the comment, but his spark held on to the words, and he heard them replay in his head as the two bots sat in silence for several minutes.

* * *

Optimus wasn’t sure if he should trust the coordinates Starscream had given him, before the seeker had flown back to the Nemesis. He went himself, not willing to risk his team. But there, underground, was an unguarded deposit of energon that could last weeks. He called in to his team to request a bridge, and by the end of the earth-day, he and his team felt full for the first time in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Optimus screamed, digging into the ground as he kneeled. It was too much. No bot should have to carry this much. He had accepted this responsibility, had accepted becoming leader, when he had nothing more than conviction. Well, a leader needed more than that.

There were so few Autobots left, and they all looked to him. They deserved someone better fit for the position, but there wasn’t any bot suitable left.

“Uhm, Optimus?” came a hesitant voice.

Optimus looked over to see a newly appeared Starscream, looking as bad as Optimus felt. He tried and failed to compose himself for Starscream’s sake. His spark just wasn’t in it to hide right now. “Starscream,” he said wearily, “you… do not appear to be ready for battle. What do you require?”

Starscream glanced around behind him and beyond Optimus, continuing when he realized they were alone. “It can wait. You first, what’s wrong?”

Optimus almost laughed. “You’re leaking energon, and you’re asking me what’s wrong?”

“Coolant, energon, we’re both leaky old bots right now. You tell me and I’ll tell you, and we’ll call it even.”

Optimus felt below his optics and was surprised to find the dripping coolant. It had been quite some time. “I will tell you if you allow me to field patch you,” Optimus negotiated. Starscream sighed heavily, and handed the field medical kit to Optimus.

The Prime nodded, gesturing for Starscream to sit as he got to work.

“Well?” Starscream asked, when the Prime had begun to silently work on Starscream’s wing. The seeker tried not to flinch.

“Sometimes, all the loss is too much,” he said quietly.

Starscream could understand emotional buildup. “And you don’t address this with your underlings? Or take it out on them?”

Optimus fixed him with a brief gaze. “No,” he said simply. As he started on the other wing, several minutes later, he began again. “I will not put my emotional burden on my team. They need to believe I have my chips together, that I’m confident in our eventual success. And I would never harm them to attempt to relieve what I feel.”

Starscream really believed Optimus, this time. Somehow, Optimus ran his ‘team’ without degrading them or using them like disposable scrap.

“Now, I believe it is your turn,” Optimus rumbled gently, concerned about the many leaks he was patching, wondering but not wondering how this had happened.

Starscream couldn’t meet his gaze, in case he would find rejection, so he looked at the ground. “Yes, well, I think I’m ready to leave. But I’m not ready to face your ‘team,’ we know how well that worked out last time I tried to join.”

Starscream was surprised to feel regret from Optimus.

“I should have tried harder,” the Prime admitted. “When you asked to join us, I assumed it was another trick.”

“Ah, well, I haven’t been the most… forthcoming in the past. That was probably a wise strategy.”

“No,” Optimus corrected, and Starscream didn’t expect the firm warmth of caring to roll through Optimus’ field just then, “you deserved a chance. You deserve a real chance.”

* * *

Optimus helped Starscream into the abandoned ship, and promised to return daily until Starscream was ready to join them at the base. He ensured the seeker had an energon supply, and drove several miles away before comm’ing for a groundbridge, just to be safe that no one would find Starscream’s hideout.

“Where were you for so long?” Ratchet asked, noticing stains of energon and dirt on the Prime’s hands.

“I hope that you will soon be able to know,” was all Optimus answered, before heading to clean himself off.


	3. Chapter 3

Optimus wasn’t sure why he sought out Starscream, the next time things got to be too much. Maybe it was becoming a habit, and maybe he should try to fix that, but at the moment he didn’t have the fortitude.

He found a dark corner in the seeker’s hideout and sat. He was hungry, supplies were running low again, and the toll of the years spent half-starving and constantly looking for energon sources while trying to win a war had announced themselves with mental and physical wracks of pain. He waited silently, knowing eventually he’d be able to make himself move and keep on with the fight and the search, but his spark demanding a brief respite.

Starscream woke from recharge much later to find the Prime sitting motionless, staring forward. A part of Optimus tried to make his mouth move to greet him, to make a sound, but he couldn’t seem to. Optimus just looked at him.

“Prime?” Starscream asked, but when he got no answer he moved to sit next to him. “Guess you’re not feeling chatty.”

They sat like that for a while, feeling the weight of Optimus’ unbound emotions, until Optimus set his hand down between them, glancing briefly at the seeker.

Cautiously, Starscream moved his own hand closer, until the edges of their fingers touched just the barest amount. A small thrill rose through him when Optimus hooked their end fingers together. But for Starscream, the slightest happiness felt like a warning sign that he wouldn’t stay happy long.

“Why me?” he managed.

At that, Optimus interlocked their hands together fully, seeking comfort and seeking to comfort at the same time. “You know this pain in a way others cannot, and I cannot begin to show it with any other bot. And although we are very different, we are also very similar, in some ways.”

Starscream nodded. It was about pain, he could understand that. If he could understand it, he could navigate it and predict it. That was safer.

“And why me, Starscream?” Optimus asked.

Starscream scoffed to avoid choking on the meaning and emotion in his words. “Because who else would bother to show me a scrap of kindness, after everything? Because I’ve always wanted what everyone, er, everyone besides you, says I don’t deserve.”

They found a comfortable silence again and the tension in their frames eased. After some time, the empty space in their tanks was not able to be ignored.

“I know of one more mine,” Starscream offered. “After that, I’m going to have to start looking again. I’m not sure how to do that without the proper equipment.”

Optimus nodded. “Then it may be time for the others to know about you helping us, so you can access the equipment at our base.”

That was exactly what Starscream had feared, but he nodded anyway.

* * *

“How do you get so lucky finding these mines whenever we’re not with you?” Bumblebee asked Optimus as they loaded the energon through the groundbridge.

“Bumblebee, that is something I wish to address with the team when we return. This has not been without help,” Optimus said.


	4. Chapter 4

“On second thought, I don’t know if I can do this,” Starscream said, as the groundbridge warbled before them. “Maybe I’ll just go back to Megatron. It was nice to get a break for a while, but at least I know what he’ll do to me. I know how to navigate on the Nemesis.”

Optimus took Starscream’s servos in his own. “You will not be harmed, and I will not let them frighten you away again if I can help it. I know it is difficult to leave Megatron and what you are familiar with, and I also know the rewards of leaving are worth the challenge.”

Starscream looked down, taking a steadying vent. “Okay,” he agreed, “but if they try to kill me, I’m not holding back. I will fire on them.”

“Understood,” Optimus answered, somewhat weary. The fighting was exhausting. Stopping the fighting was exhausting.

Starscream sensed the mood shift and looked up at the Prime. “I will try, Optimus, not to resort to that,” he conceded.

Letting go of Starscream, Optimus nodded and walked through the bridge.

* * *

Starscream stepped into the Autobot base and immediately found four guns pointed at him. He looked to Optimus, his expression of “I told you so” apparent.

“Lower your weapons,” Optimus ordered. Starscream noticed that this Optimus was different, that something had changed since he’d gone through the bridge. His emotions were tightly wound again, underneath a heavy projection of calm and authority. He wondered if the team knew even half the extent of Optimus’ hidden burden.

The seeker resisted the urge to hide behind the Prime, and attempted a smile.

“ _He’s_ who you’ve been working with?” Arcee accused, furious.

“After everything he’s done, you’re willing to trust him?” Ratchet scoffed.

Bulkhead glared. “What’s he done to convince you, Optimus? Whatever it is, it’s obviously a trick.”

“I’m sure Optimus has a good reason,” Bumblebee beeped placatingly. “Right?” he looked to the Prime.

Optimus nodded. “Starscream has been the one providing the mine coordinates so that we’ve been able to refuel.”

“What Bulkhead said, it’s a trick!” Arcee said, fingers twitching to pull out her weapon again.

“I understand that trust will take time to build, but I believe Starscream can meet that challenge.” Optimus looked to the seeker, who laughed nervously.

Starscream held up his hands to show surrender, and the sudden movement caused the others to raise their weapons. They lowered them again with a stern look from Optimus.

“I come in peace,” Starscream said meekly, wings folded to look small and helpless. Scrap, he had the same feelings as when he was trying to placate Megatron. His spark pulsed faster and his vents came shorter. “I don’t want to…” he trailed off, his feet carrying him backward against his will. His emotion chips told him to cower, to find something to hide behind, while his logic chips told him he was safe as long as Optimus was here.

Starscream’s foot caught on a wire running across the ground, and he tripped backwards.  _Vulnerable,_ he thought,  _I’m vulnerable like this._ He started to raise his arm, unsure if he needed to use his blaster, and saw the Autobots except for Optimus and Bumblebee instinctively lift theirs. Before Starscream could fire, Optimus grabbed his arm gently, lowering it, and put himself between Starscream and the others as he crouched in front of him. “Starscream,” he said, his voice something concrete among the blur and surreal feeling of everything else. “Starscream, listen to me. You’re safe, no one here is going to attack you.”

Shakily, Starscream took a long vent in, then out. He tried to focus on Optimus’ hand on his arm. Optimus, the only thing that felt real right now.

Eventually, the world seemed somewhat normal again, and he realized at some point only Optimus and Ratchet were in the room with him.

“You’d better let me check you out,” Ratchet said gruffly, not pleased with Starscream being there, but willing to do his job.

Starscream nodded, unaware of whatever he said in response to Ratchet but knowing he said something.

Ratchet took his vitals quietly, before removing the equipment and turning to Optimus. “Nothing’s physically wrong,” he answered the unspoken question. Or maybe it had been spoken.

“Then I will sit with him, alone. Thank you, Ratchet.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long time ago on another fic, someone commented that I should write more details in my story. For me, it's not about the description of the room or how characters/things look... the important part in my act of writing is the interactions, the emotions, the cognition. The way characters deal with trauma both outward and inward, and promoting healing. That's what I care about, it's what I seek out in what I read, we don't have to have the same styles of what we want from a story.  
> Lol I realized after responding to a comment on this story that I mention not wanting to leave Starscream lonely and hurting, but neglected to mention Optimus. I think that's because while Starscream reminds me of who I was a long time ago, I relate more to the TFP Optimus and I was doing exactly what I perceive him to be doing of ignoring himself and his needs. Poor Optimus, I will work on having more empathy toward him (and maybe myself).

Starscream loosened his grip on Opt imus’ servos, their two hands coming apart. “That could have gone better.”

“It also could have gone much worse,” Optimus responded, grateful no shots had actually been fired.

“I don’t know what happened to me.” It was mostly the truth. He had seen other bots succumb to the effects of this war, breaking down like he did, but they didn’t survive it. Megatron didn’t tolerate weakness and anyone weak was strictly disposable. He didn't really get the chance to interrogate what was going on internally for them.  


“It means you have been too damaged for too long, and your spark needs rest.”

“But why now?” Starscream asked. “When I’m finally supposed to be safe away from Megatron, why would it start now?”

A hint of the sorrow Optimus saved for Starscream rolled from the Prime’s field, but Starscream knew Optimus would never allow the full force of it to be felt anywhere near the Autobot team. Optimus spoke as if from experience, whether his own or what he saw in other bots. Starscream found it hard to believe Optimus would have killed those suffering bots.

“To survive, you had to be constantly on alert, hypervigilant. Your circuits were routinely stressed past acceptable limits. Now, you feel safe enough to deal with the toll that took on you. It is not uncommon with all that the Autobots and Decepticons have been through in this war. It is unfortunate that you could not rest with your own side, and be safe with them. However,” he softened, and Starscream knew he could say this because they were alone, “I am glad to have you here with me.”

Starscream had to be sure. Just because he  _felt_ he could trust the Prime, didn’t mean he could. He wondered if his circuits were stressed again with the thought. “I need to be a functional bot for you, otherwise I’m worthless. Then, you won’t have to kill me.”

Surprise struck through Optimus’ field. “I have no desire or intent to kill you, regardless of your usefulness. Finding energon mines is for all of our survival, but we are not helpless to discover them without you. For your own well-being, what you need most is rest.”

* * *

Starscream couldn’t seem to recharge that night, whether it was the exhaustion of the day or being in a new place, or some combination. He found himself wandering the base, wondering who else might be up and about.

The lights were on in the main control room, and he peeked around the doorway to try to decide if he wanted to deal with whoever was in there.

Ratchet noticed him right away. No chance to pretend he had never been there. “Don’t just stand there, Starscream, come in.”

Nervously, he obeyed, glancing around as he walked inside in case another bot was standing there ready to blast him.  At least it was just Ratchet in here, he decided. Ratchet probably wouldn’t try to kill him.

“Couldn’t sleep? I didn’t suspect you would,” the medic said. “Optimus seems convinced you aren’t going to betray us.”

“Optimus is probably too trusting for his own good,” Starscream said, glancing at the screen Ratchet had up.

“Probably,” Ratchet answered, studying Starscream.

“Do you mind if I use your equipment? I told Prime I’d find him some more sources of energon, and I will. When the Decepticons were under my command, I kept a whole army fed. I intend to be useful here.”

Suspicious but knowing how dire their energon situation was, Ratchet stepped aside, watching the seeker work.

“How are we supposed to ever trust you, or like you at all, even if this is a real change? You can’t undo what you did,” Ratchet said after some time.

Starscream paused in his work for a few moments, then resumed. “ Maybe you won’t,” he replied. “Here, I found a probable spot. We should deploy before the Decepticons find it.”


	6. Chapter 6

Optimus was loathe to think about himself. It typically turned into something overwhelming, to acknowledge what he had endured. Something in his spark knew he couldn’t avoid it forever, and especially now that he had given himself permission to open up. Closing off again proved to be difficult.

If Starscream ended up in the role his team had, as someone Optimus had to protect from himself, he would be alone. If Starscream didn’t integrate with the team, he would have a harder time healing.  The newest dilemma that he couldn’t solve.

He stared up at the night sky, wishing again for the end of the war that he wasn’t sure would end.  And if it did end, would he still be himself? If he stayed open to Starscream, would Starscream get better?

Optimus transformed and drove along the open road that stretched for miles. He often claimed night patrol duty for the chance to get away, as a good distraction from his thoughts. If he was looking for Decepticons, he could ignore his heavy spark. If he was battling, he only had to think about the fight. If he was taking care of everybody else and their problems, and tightly controlling his mask for their benefit, then he could justify not dealing with the weight of it all.

Before Optimus could react to the movement in the sky, a metal body crashed into his trailer, sending him scraping against the road. He gave a pained yell and transformed, whirling into a defensive position as the flying bot in front of him transformed and began to stalk toward him.

This Megatron seemed off, he began to fire as he ran at the Prime, growling and gritting his teeth. Optimus fired back, but all he could do was react to Megatron’s advance, with no time to plan. The blasts seemed to have little effect because Megatron was still gaining ground.

Optimus’ hands flew instinctively to Megatron’s as Megatron viciously gripped the Prime’s neck cables, squeezing. “You betray me, and then you steal my second?” he yelled, seemingly unfazed by Optimus digging into his arm. Optimus kicked out and wrenched the weight of his body to the side, then landed a blow on Megatron’s arm, finally loosening his grip enough to get away. Optimus fired, but Megatron only looked at his leaking shoulderplate and laughed.

“I need a bridge,” Optimus said into his comm-link.

“You may run from me, Prime, but every time you and your bots leave that base, I will find you. I will find your humans and their families. I will keep killing them until my second returns.”

The bridge opened and Optimus backed through, keeping his gun aimed at his enemy. There were no chances to take, he couldn’t risk turning his back.

Starscream could not know about this.

* * *

“For the love of Primus, what happened to you?” Ratchet asked angrily as he gestured his demand for Optimus to lie down on the berth in medbay.

“I am fine, Ratchet,” he assured, with a tone that indicated he would humor the bot and let him examine Optimus to be sure.

“You didn’t sound fine when you called for that bridge,” Ratchet accused, but Optimus could feel the care and worry under that.

“You, more than anyone, know that I can handle myself. There is no reason for concern.”

Ratchet touched his neck cabling gingerly, and Optimus winced. The medic’s fingers came up dripping with energon. “There is plenty of reason for concern,” he corrected, “now tell me what happened.”

Optimus thought about what details to give and what to omit.

“Uhp bup bup, I see you trying to think about what to tell me, none of that. I want the full truth.”

“Megatron attacked,” Optimus relented. “He was… more serious about killing me than he has been in a long time.”

Ratchet frowned deeper. “Why the sudden change? The only thing different is…” Optimus winced again as Ratchet connected the dots, and he regretted having been honest. “Starscream has to return to Megatron,” he said decisively.

“I will never let that happen. Megatron will have to move past this. But we will need to take precautions, particularly for the humans he threatened.”

“You’re going to protect Starscream over Raf, Jack, and Miko?” Ratchet yelled, incredulous.

“I am going to protect them all!” Optimus grit his teeth as he regretted again showing his true feelings. “I am going to protect them all,” he said, controlling himself, calm and cool, “as well as their families. Starscream is not a sacrifice, he is important and he is trying to become better. He deserves to be safe just as much as the humans do, and just as much as we do.”

“Go recharge,” Ratchet replied, unwilling to discuss the matter further. “I’ll contact Fowler to relocate the children and their families.”

Optimus seemed to know he should comply, and wordlessly headed toward his quarters.

Ratchet gave a long sigh. Hours later, the seeker in question peeked around the doorway of the control room and Ratchet beckoned him in. Why Optimus was so bent on saving Starscream, he didn’t understand.


	7. Chapter 7

Passing by the sleeping seeker’s room the next earth day, Optimus thought about knocking and telling him everything. Just as quickly, he dismissed the idea and  headed into the main room. He logged into the computer and scanned the notes from the night before, pausing when he saw the coordinates, next to the note,  _Engergon Deposit?_

He could hear Arcee and Bumblebee awake already, talking down the hall, but if this was a questionable location, he could go himself. Besides, with the looming threat of Megatron, he didn’t want to risk sending them right now. Megatron had to calm down eventually, just like he did when Optimus became Optimus and left his side. His guilt for uprooting the human families and putting everyone at risk came on suddenly, but he set the feeling aside. What they needed was energon, not bad feelings.

He activated the groundbridge, after leaving a note in the logs about where he was going, and stepped through the portal.

Yes, whoever found this location had been correct. He sensed the energon in the ground, and he entered the cave with a cursory glance to check for Megatron, ignoring the pain in his neck cables as he turned his head.

He began to knock the energon free, creating a pile that he could carry and figuring by the time he mined enough for a big armload to take back, he’d know if the location was too big of a risk to bring his team to. As he turned his frame to free the next crystal, sharp hooks slammed into his back, digging in to grab him and electrify him.

Soundwave stood silently as the Prime writhed and yelled in pain on the ground, and he retracted his cables before Optimus could turn and rip them out himself. Besides, he wasn’t here to kill Optimus. That was Megatron’s role.

Optimus scrambled to his feet as Megatron walked out of the shadows and began to fire. Optimus fired back, trying not to hit the rocks to cause a cave-in. Megatron had no such concern, blocking the way out and looking unhindered from last night’s injury. Optimus knew that with Soundwave there, and with himself injured, this was not a battle he could win. He fled deeper into the cave.

Megatron gave chase, laughing. “You’ve always been good at running from me, and when you have the upper hand, you let me live. Mistakes you will pay the price for. You’re the only one foolish enough to trust Starscream, and when you die, the others will force him out of the base, and he will return to me! And then he will die.”

Protectiveness fueled Optimus to run faster. He started to shoot at the ceiling, realizing a cave-in might be the only thing to buy him time from Megatron, when the gun was blasted from his hands.

“You’re not getting away that easily,” Megatron snarled with a grin.

A cave wall blocked him from retreating further, and he prepared to face his enemy.

* * *

“What?” yelled an underslept Ratchet, after Bumblebee had awoken him. “On his own? Of all the-”

Bumblebee interrupted. “No time to complain, someone should go after him. What if he runs into trouble again? We all got the memo from Fowler, whatever’s going on with Megatron doesn’t sound good. Or normal, I mean, normal for Megatron.”

Ratchet ran with Bumblebee to the control room, to find Bulkhead and Arcee already there. “The three of you go,” he said, activating the groundbridge. “I’ll stay here at the controls.”

“Alone with Starscream?” Arcee asked skeptically, as the bridge roared to life.

“I can handle Starscream. Optimus was ambushed last night, I’m positive Megatron will attempt again.”

* * *

The three Autobots heard the sounds of a fight as soon as they stepped through the portal. They looked at each other quickly and began to run toward the noise.

Bumblebee reached them first, blaster raised and firing at Megatron. A cable slammed into him, then retracted, and he looked up to see Soundwave. “Scrap!” he cursed, firing at him as Arcee and Bulkhead caught up.

Megatron turned around. “Retreat, Soundwave,” he growled over their comms, then fired until the Autobots jumped aside. The two Decepticons transformed and sped out of the cave.

“Oh, scrap,” Bumblebee cursed again as he saw Optimus, drawing the attention of the other two.

Optimus’ mangled frame lay before them, covered in so much energon that they couldn’t tell where the wounds were.

Bulkhead leaned down and, with effort, picked up the Prime, earning a weak groan. _Still alive_ , he thought, _but I don’t know if Ratchet has the tools to keep him that way._


	8. Chapter 8

Starscream woke to commotion, not fully recharged but enough that he could function. So, the usual state of being. He had no urge to refuel when he reached the medbay and saw Optimus’ prone form across the berth. He had never seen Optimus look so weak in all the eons of war.

“He went to your coordinates, and it was an ambush,” Arcee growled, startling him from behind. “And he was ambushed last night, before that.”

Starscream flinched at the accusation. “I didn’t-”

“I think you did,” she spat, “I think you knew what would happen to him. What I don’t understand is why he went out the second time when he should have thrown you out immediately! Did you know Raf, Miko, Jack, and their families all had to be moved? Megatron threatened to kill them. I’m not letting you stay here another second you-”

She was cut off as Bumblebee intervened. “Arcee, I admit it looks bad, but we don’t know this was Starscream’s fault.”

“We know!” she insisted.

Bulkhead came from behind. “If it looks bad, it probably is bad. We can’t trust Starscream.”

Panicking, Starscream looked between the bots and knew they were about to throw him out of the base, send him who knows where, and that Megatron would find him somehow. He bolted, racing to the groundbridge. He couldn’t let that happen. But nowhere was safe from Megatron, there was nowhere to go. Maybe his old hideout?

The three Autobots ran in, trailing him, and Starscream slammed the groundbridge button before jumping through.

* * *

Starscream caught himself on his hands and knees, before quickly pushing himself upright. He surveyed his surroundings and cursed. This was probably the location he’d found last night.

He transformed and flew into the cave, morbid curiosity and a desire to hide where he wouldn’t be expected driving him.

The stench of spilt energon overwhelmed him, and he returned to bot mode as he reached the back of the cave. Energon, Optimus’ energon, covered the walls and floor. Guilt wracked his frame as he turned away. Optimus was supposed to have been the one bot that couldn’t get hurt by being close to him, but something in him was so poisonous that even a Prime could suffer just from having been near him too long.

Why had Optimus gone alone? How had Megatron found him? Absently, Starscream started to dig his talons into the walls, grabbing energon crystals. That was what Prime had wanted, because energon was a determining factor in this war. He had probably wanted to avoid burdening the other bots. For all Starscream knew, Optimus didn’t even tell the Autobots just how low their energon supply was.

Starscream walked through the cave, collecting the crystals while lost in thought. Maybe if he mined the energon himself, the Autobots would let him stay. The day turned to night by the time Starscream had dug out every last bit of energon, and he warily stepped outside, sending a message to Ratchet that he needed a bridge back. His talons felt worn and overused, caked in dirt and dust.

He had half-expected no bridge to appear, but one did, and he began to carry armloads of energon through, dropping them into the control room in a pile before leaving for more. Shortly after, Bumblebee joined him, and the two worked together collecting the supply.

Arcee and Bulkhead said nothing, but left him alone as he and Bumblebee closed down the groundbridge and began placing the energon into storage. Starscream began to feel the emptiness in his tank, but was determined to finish this before he refueled.

* * *

Ratchet found Starscream sitting in medbay by Optimus, too late at night or too early in the morning. The medic didn’t know where humans made that divide. “You should sleep,” he said, and the seeker startled.

“Oh, I didn’t know anyone was still awake. I couldn’t sleep. Do you need me to leave?”

Ratchet shook his head. “No, and for the record, Starscream,” he sighed, as if the fact was a great burden, “this wasn’t your fault.”

“Who said I thought it was?” Starscream answered automatically.

Ratchet looked at him skeptically, but didn’t retort.

“Is he going to make it? I mean, I don’t think they’re going to let me stay if he doesn’t.”

“I believe so,” Ratchet replied, “but it was a close call. If he pulls through, the first thing he’s getting is a stern lecture and he better listen to me this time.”

Starscream snorted. “What a pleasant way to wake up from a near-death experience.”

Ratchet glared at the Prime’s vulnerable form. “Being pleasant is the least of my worries. The way he’s acting isn’t sustainable, and it needs to change.”


	9. Chapter 9

Slowly, Optimus’ optics flickered to life, but before he could take in his surroundings, stabs of sharp pain kept him from sitting up. Someone’s frantic field flared next to him, and they touched his shoulder gently to encourage him to lie back on the berth. Optimus slowly turned his head to look.

“Starscream?” he asked.

Starscream reached for his hand without thinking. He looked exhausted. “You’re alive,” he said, like he hadn’t believed Optimus would be. That’s right. Megatron had almost extinguished his spark.

“I’m okay, there is no reason to worry,” he assured.

“Optimus, you can hardly move, and I’m going to worry. I don’t understand why you went alone to that energon deposit. Back in the day, I would have been thrilled to find you alone, but I used to think you knew better than that.”

“It’s a good thing I did go alone,” he countered, “or this might have happened to someone else.”

Optimus was taken aback at the rage that came from Starscream. “If I wanted to be led by someone who recklessly threatens the cause by taking unnecessary risks, I’d be back with Megatron!” Starscream yelled.

Hurt shot through Optimus at that, but he stopped himself from responding and saying something he’d regret. He looked away and removed his hand from Starscream’s, instead.

Sensing that he had crossed a line, Starscream balled up his fists. “I’m sorry, please, Optimus,” he pleaded, “if you die, I have nowhere to go. At least take me as backup next time, if you don’t want to risk the others.”

“You continue to misunderstand my reason for going alone,” Optimus said coldly, emotions tightly coiled so as not to be read.

“No, _you_ don’t understand! If you had had backup, no one would have had to end up like this. That’s the point of backup. I know you know that, or you wouldn’t have survived the war this long. There’s some other reason you did this.”

The two were quiet for some time, as Optimus slowly released the vice grip he had on his emotions. Starscream almost sounded like he cared. They sat in the waves of feelings rolling off of the Prime, until Optimus managed to find words he wouldn't regret. “I don’t want to burden the team, or anyone.”

“Optimus,” Starscream took his hand again, and there was no resistance, “you can’t win this war by yourself. I know your Autobots well enough that they want to share that burden, because,” he grimaced, “they care about you. And if you die, that puts them at even more risk, so think about that.”

* * *

Ratchet cleared a vent as he entered the room, having seen the two bots huddled close. He didn’t like how close they were; he still suspected ulterior motives from Starscream. Starscream disengaged his hand from Optimus’ and pulled back, looking slightly embarrassed. “I need to talk to him,” Ratchet nodded toward Optimus.

Starscream stood. “Of course,” he said, glancing one last time at Optimus before leaving.

Ratchet moved in closer and folded his arms, looking at the weakened Prime. “Well?” he said.

Optimus leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I suppose you are also here to chide me for taking such risky maneuvers.”

“Yes, I am,” Ratchet replied. “If you died, Optimus, do you know what I would have done? I would have driven to a junkyard and put myself into stasis. There is no hope to win this war without you.”

That hurt, and he was still raw from his conversation with Starscream. Closing back up was difficult, indeed. “You would have just let the rest of the team be picked off by the Decepticons?” he asked.

Ratchet was taken aback, both by the statement and the usually hidden emotions. “Optimus, as your doctor I am forbidding you to go off alone again! I don’t know if Starscream is causing this sudden change in behavior, or if you just don’t care about us anymore, but that’s enough. Pull yourself together and lead us into the battles we’ve all signed up for. Or don’t, and surrender to Megatron, if that’s what you really intend.”

Anger swirled in Optimus’ field. “This is not about Starscream. Everything I have decided has been to protect the team, because I am _tired_ of continuing to place them in danger with no end in sight. I want to be done! I want the war to be over!” he yelled in pain as he tried to turn away from the medic. He took a few vents in and out. “Perhaps the matrix should go to someone else.”

Ratchet stepped back in shock. He looked over Optimus, seeing for the first time how bad off he was, and not just physically. “I will come back to check on you later,” Ratchet said quietly, and left.

* * *

Eventually, when Optimus had been still for a long time, the pain subsided. He thought about Starscream’s point, that if the burden had been shared, it would not have been so heavy. He thought about what Ratchet said, and the fact that they had signed up for this. It was possible that his spiral of shame for the risks he was imposing had gone past the point of logic. Though it was difficult to think of sharing and being vulnerable, when he had spent so long convincing himself he needed to be calm and collected at all times.


End file.
